Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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