You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
