you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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