just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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