Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
