i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
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Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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