I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
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