I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
