my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
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Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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