So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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