just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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