That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
