i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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