i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
