I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
