I faked an abortion last night.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
How drunk are you?
Completed.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
