the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
