you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
