you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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