Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
it's great music for shaving your balls
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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