HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
