my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
