On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
