Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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