I will die if light touches me.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize