someone threw a dead crab at me
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
