My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
