thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
