dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
