I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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