I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
