I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
