The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I understand Curling. That high.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
