i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
