I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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