Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
