Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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