There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
