PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
