He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
