I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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