She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
