its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
