My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
