tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She's the barista slut.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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