so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
