My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
