There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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