Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
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I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
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I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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