you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
