people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
