Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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