is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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