I look better un-naked...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
