Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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