And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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