I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
