I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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