Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
What a dumb baby whore.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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