I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
