wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
