hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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