dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
