every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
