you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize