I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
