3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just invented taco cereal.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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