i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
