normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
